I don't know as modern means of communication have changed the basic nature of the news a lot; here's Mr. Dooley [edited for brevity] on the subject; the whole book is available on Project Gutenberg. It ought to go on the previous thread, but is a good way to start a new one. --Alan
"What's goin' on this week in th' papers?" asked Mr. Hennessy. "Ivrything," said Mr. Dooley. "It's been a turbylint week. I can hardly sleep iv nights thinkin' iv th' doin's iv people…[goes on at great length]
"An' that's all th' news," said Mr. Dooley. "There ye ar-re jus' as if ye cud read. That's all that's happened. Ain't I a good newspaper? Not a dull line in me. Sind in ye'er small ads."
“Sure, all that’s no news,” said Mr. Hennessy, discontentedly. “Hasn’t there annything happened? Hasn’t anny wan been—been kilt?” “There ye ar-re,” said Mr. Dooley. “Be news ye mane misfortune. I suppose near ivry wan does. What’s wan man’s news is another man’s throubles. In these hot days, I’d like to see a pa-aper with nawthin’ in it but affectionate wives an’ loyal husbands an’ prosp’rous, smilin’ people an’ money in th’ bank an’ three a day. That’s what I’m lookin’ f’r in th’ hot weather.” “Th’ newspapers have got to print what happens,” said Mr. Hennessy. “No,” said Mr. Dooley, “they’ve got to print what’s diff’rent. Whiniver they begin to put headlines on happiness, contint, varchoo, an’ charity, I’ll know things is goin’ as wrong with this counthry as I think they ar-re ivry naytional campaign.”
--"The Names of a Week," from Observations by Mr. Dooley, by Finley Peter Dunne.
As memory serves me, the collection of columns was printed in 1902. This being a slow day on the blog, I will put in the whole column below. Mr. Dooley had several books as memory serves me; not sure how many are on Project Gutenberg. Just reading one of his columns a day would last one for a good period of time. Although the particulars of the news events he recounts are mostly now unfamiliar, those can be treated as details. --Alan
Did California Figure Out How to Fix Global Warming? [Click] Darned if it doesn't sound impressive; and about forty years after the opponents of energy efficiency standards said Californians would freeze in the dark, it still hasn't happened. I must say the story out of Kern County is very striking.
"What's goin' on this week in th' papers?" asked Mr. Hennessy.
"Ivrything," said Mr. Dooley. "It's been a turbylint week. I can hardly sleep iv nights thinkin' iv th' doin's iv people. Th' campinily at Venice has fallen down. 'Twas built in 1604 be th' Beezantiums an' raystored in 1402 be th' Dogs. It fell down because th' foundations was weak, because th' wind blew, because th' beautiful figure iv th' goolden angel on top iv it was fifteen feet high. It will be rebuilt or maybe not. Th' king iv Italy has given thirty-three billion liars to put it up again, an' siv'ral ladin' American archytects have offered to do th' job, makin' an office buildin' iv it. Th' campinily was wan iv th' proudest monymints iv Italy an' was used as a bell-tower at times, an' at other times as a gazabo where anny American cud take a peek at th' gran' canal an' compare it with th' Erie, th' Pannyma an' th' dhrainage iv the same name.
"Th' king iv England is betther. He's off in his yacht. So ar-re Laking, Treves, Smith, Barlow, Jones, Casey, Lister, thank Hiven! A hard life is science. Th' Hon'rable Joseph Choate is raycoverin' more slowly. He still sobs occas'nally in his sleep an' has ordhered all th' undher sicreties to have their vermyform appindixes raymoved as a token iv rayspict f'r th' sthricken nation. Th' Hon'rable Whitelaw Reid is havin' a cast iv his knee breeches made, which will be exhibited in New York durin' th' comin' winter.
"Me frind, J. Pierpont Morgan, has been takin' dinner with th' Impror Willum. It is undherstud he will presint him to th' Methropolytan Museem iv Art. There are said to be worse things there.
"Lord Salisberry has thrun up his job. Lord Salisberry was wan iv th' grandest an' mos' succissful statesmen iv modhren times. He niver did annything. He is succeeded be his nevvew, Misther Balfour, if I get th' name right, who has done less. It is expicted that Misther Balfour will have a good time. On rayceivin' th' congrathylations iv his colleague, Misther Chamberlain, he bought himsilf a rayvolver an' took out a policy on his life.
The Names of a Week, continued ==================== "A lady down east woke her husband up to tell him there was a burglar in th' house. Th' foolish woman. They'se always burglars in th' house. That's what burglars are f'r, an' houses. Instead iv argyin' th' pint in a loud voice, coughin' an' givin' th' burglar a chance to lave with dignity, this man got up an' was kilt. Now th' pa-apers with th' assistance iv th' officers iv th' law has discovered that th' lady took a boat ride with a gintleman frind in th' summer iv sixty-two, that she wanst quarreled with her husband about th' price iv a hat, that wan iv her lower teeth is plugged, that she wears a switch an' that she weeps whin she sees her childher. They'se a moral in this. It's ayether don't wake a man up out iv a sound sleep, or don't get out iv bed till ye have to, or don't bother a burglar whin ye see he's busy, or kill th' iditor. I don't know which it is.
"Willum Jennings Bryan is readin' me frind Grover Cleveland out iv th' party. He's usin' the Commoner to read him out. That's a sure way.
"Mary MeLane has been in town. I didn't see her, me place not bein' a raysort f'r th' young an' yearnin', an' especially me duckin' all lithry ladies iv whativer sex. Mary McLane is th' author iv a book called: 'Whin I am older I'll know betther.' Ye ought to read it, Hinnissy.
"Th' Newport season is opened with gr-reat gayety an' th' aim iv rayturnin' husbands is much more sure.
"Gin'ral Bragg fr'm up in Wisconsin has been gettin' into throuble with our haughty allies, th' Cubians, he writin' home to his wife that ye might as well thry to make a whistle out iv a pig's tail as a dacint man out iv a Cubian. Gin'ral Bragg will be bounced an' he ought to be. He don't belong in pollytics. His place is iditor iv a losin' newspaper.
"Gov'nor Taft has been in Rome showin' th' wurruld how succissful, sthraightforward, downright, outspoken, manly, frank, fourteen ounces to th' pound American business dalings can be again' th' worn-out di-plomacy iv th' papal coort. Whin last heerd fr'm this astoot an' able man, backed up be th' advice iv Elihoo Root iv York state, was makin' his way tow'rd Manila on foot, an' siv'ral mimbers iv th' colledge iv cardinals was heerd to regret that American statesmen were so thin they cudden't find anything to fit thim in his thrunk.
The Names of a Week, continued still farther... ============== "Cholera is ragin' in th' Ph'lippeens vice Gin'ral Jake Smith, raymoved.
"Th' stock market is boomin' an' business has become so dull elsewhere that some iv th' best known outside operators ar-re obliged to increase th' depth iv th' goold coatin' on th' brick to nearly an inch.
"Th' capital iv th' nation has raymoved to Eyesther Bay, a city on th' north shore iv Long Island, with a popylation iv three millyion clams, an' a number iv mosquitos with pianola attachments an' steel rams. There day be day th' head iv th' nation thransacts th' nation's business as follows: four A.M., a plunge into th' salt, salt sea an' a swim iv twenty miles; five A.M., horse-back ride, th' prisidint insthructin' his two sons, aged two and four rayspictively, to jump th' first Methodist church without knockin' off th' shingles; six A.M., wrestles with a thrained grizzly bear; sivin A.M., breakfast; eight A.M., Indyan clubs; nine A.M., boxes with Sharkey; tin A.M., bates th' tinnis champeen; iliven A.M., rayceives a band iv rough riders an' person'lly supervises th' sindin' iv th' ambylance to look afther th' injured in th' village; noon, dinner with Sharkey, Oscar Featherstone, th' champeen roller-skater iv Harvard, '98, Pro-fissor McGlue, th' archyologist, Lord Dum de Dum, Mike Kehoe, Immanuel Kant Gumbo, th' naygro pote, Horrible Hank, t' bad lands scout, Sinitor Lodge, Lucy Emerson Tick, th' writer on female sufferage, Mud-in-the-Eye, th' chief iv th' Ogallas, Gin'ral Powell Clayton, th' Mexican mine expert, four rough riders with their spurs on, th' Ambassadure iv France an' th' Cinquovasti fam'ly, jugglers. Th' conversation, we larn fr'm wan iv th' guests who's our spoortin' iditor, was jined in be th' prisidint an' dealt with art, boxin', lithrachoor, horse-breakin', science, shootin', pollytics, how to kill a mountain line, di-plomacy, lobbing, pothry, th' pivot blow, rayform, an' th' campaign in Cubia. Whin our rayporther was dhriven off th' premises be wan iv th' rough riders, th' head iv th' nation was tachin' Lord Dum de Dum an' Sicrety Hay how to do a hand-spring, an' th' other guests was scattered about th' lawn, boxin', rasslin', swingin' on th' thrapeze, ridin' th' buckin' bronco an' shootin' at th' naygro pote f'r th' dhrinks—in short enjyin' an ideel day in th' counthry.
"An' that's all th' news," said Mr. Dooley. "There ye ar-re jus' as if ye cud read. That's all that's happened. Ain't I a good newspaper? Not a dull line in me. Sind in ye'er small ads."
The Names of a Week, concluded: ============== "Sure, all that's no news," said Mr. Hennessy, discontentedly. "Hasn't there annything happened? Hasn't anny wan been—been kilt?"
"There ye ar-re," said Mr. Dooley. "Be news ye mane misfortune. I suppose near ivry wan does. What's wan man's news is another man's throubles. In these hot days, I'd like to see a pa-aper with nawthin' in it but affectionate wives an' loyal husbands an' prosp'rous, smilin' people an' money in th' bank an' three a day. That's what I'm lookin' f'r in th' hot weather."
"Th' newspapers have got to print what happens," said Mr. Hennessy.
"No," said Mr. Dooley, "they've got to print what's diff'rent. Whiniver they begin to put headlines on happiness, contint, varchoo, an' charity, I'll know things is goin' as wrong with this counthry as I think they ar-re ivry naytional campaign."
That's delightful. Though I suspect, if we could pick up on all the references, we'd consider it pretty sharp commentary indeed. Sort of the Stephen Colbert of his times, eh?
The death of neoliberalism and the crisis in western politics [Click] By Martin Jacques. The wind is now in OUR sails; the old era is dying, and the new one has yet to be born. An excellent analysis, it seems to me. And by way of laying a basis for the article, here is the Wikipedia entry forNeoliberalsim [Click] --Alan
listener--I found the answer to your question about when Mister Dooley was holding forth above. Balfour replaced Salisbury as Prime Minister of the UK 11th July 1902, so it must have been right about then. McKinley died and was replaced by TR Sept. 14th, 1901.
I don't know as modern means of communication have changed the basic nature of the news a lot; here's Mr. Dooley [edited for brevity] on the subject; the whole book is available on Project Gutenberg. It ought to go on the previous thread, but is a good way to start a new one.
ReplyDelete--Alan
"What's goin' on this week in th' papers?" asked Mr. Hennessy.
"Ivrything," said Mr. Dooley. "It's been a turbylint week. I can hardly sleep iv nights thinkin' iv th' doin's iv people…[goes on at great length]
"An' that's all th' news," said Mr. Dooley. "There ye ar-re jus' as if ye cud read. That's all that's happened. Ain't I a good newspaper? Not a dull line in me. Sind in ye'er small ads."
“Sure, all that’s no news,” said Mr. Hennessy, discontentedly. “Hasn’t there annything happened? Hasn’t anny wan been—been kilt?”
“There ye ar-re,” said Mr. Dooley. “Be news ye mane misfortune. I suppose near ivry wan does. What’s wan man’s news is another man’s throubles. In these hot days, I’d like to see a pa-aper with nawthin’ in it but affectionate wives an’ loyal husbands an’ prosp’rous, smilin’ people an’ money in th’ bank an’ three a day. That’s what I’m lookin’ f’r in th’ hot weather.”
“Th’ newspapers have got to print what happens,” said Mr. Hennessy.
“No,” said Mr. Dooley, “they’ve got to print what’s diff’rent. Whiniver they begin to put headlines on happiness, contint, varchoo, an’ charity, I’ll know things is goin’ as wrong with this counthry as I think they ar-re ivry naytional campaign.”
--"The Names of a Week," from Observations by Mr. Dooley, by Finley Peter Dunne.
That is awesome! I just read it aloud to The Fam and they loved it! :-) Thanks, Alan! What year was it written?
DeleteAnd good candidates, like Zephyr, are first!
As memory serves me, the collection of columns was printed in 1902. This being a slow day on the blog, I will put in the whole column below. Mr. Dooley had several books as memory serves me; not sure how many are on Project Gutenberg. Just reading one of his columns a day would last one for a good period of time. Although the particulars of the news events he recounts are mostly now unfamiliar, those can be treated as details.
Delete--Alan
From the "The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same" Department?
Delete:-) Spot on and yet succinct, Cat!
DeleteDid California Figure Out How to Fix Global Warming? [Click] Darned if it doesn't sound impressive; and about forty years after the opponents of energy efficiency standards said Californians would freeze in the dark, it still hasn't happened. I must say the story out of Kern County is very striking.
ReplyDelete--Alan
Wonderful article! Vermont has been trending in the same direction, but California has so much more of it to do!
DeleteMr. Dooley at Project Gutenberg, five titles. [Click]
ReplyDelete==============
The Names of a Week
"What's goin' on this week in th' papers?" asked Mr. Hennessy.
"Ivrything," said Mr. Dooley. "It's been a turbylint week. I can hardly sleep iv nights thinkin' iv th' doin's iv people. Th' campinily at Venice has fallen down. 'Twas built in 1604 be th' Beezantiums an' raystored in 1402 be th' Dogs. It fell down because th' foundations was weak, because th' wind blew, because th' beautiful figure iv th' goolden angel on top iv it was fifteen feet high. It will be rebuilt or maybe not. Th' king iv Italy has given thirty-three billion liars to put it up again, an' siv'ral ladin' American archytects have offered to do th' job, makin' an office buildin' iv it. Th' campinily was wan iv th' proudest monymints iv Italy an' was used as a bell-tower at times, an' at other times as a gazabo where anny American cud take a peek at th' gran' canal an' compare it with th' Erie, th' Pannyma an' th' dhrainage iv the same name.
"Th' king iv England is betther. He's off in his yacht. So ar-re Laking, Treves, Smith, Barlow, Jones, Casey, Lister, thank Hiven! A hard life is science. Th' Hon'rable Joseph Choate is raycoverin' more slowly. He still sobs occas'nally in his sleep an' has ordhered all th' undher sicreties to have their vermyform appindixes raymoved as a token iv rayspict f'r th' sthricken nation. Th' Hon'rable Whitelaw Reid is havin' a cast iv his knee breeches made, which will be exhibited in New York durin' th' comin' winter.
"Me frind, J. Pierpont Morgan, has been takin' dinner with th' Impror Willum. It is undherstud he will presint him to th' Methropolytan Museem iv Art. There are said to be worse things there.
"Lord Salisberry has thrun up his job. Lord Salisberry was wan iv th' grandest an' mos' succissful statesmen iv modhren times. He niver did annything. He is succeeded be his nevvew, Misther Balfour, if I get th' name right, who has done less. It is expicted that Misther Balfour will have a good time. On rayceivin' th' congrathylations iv his colleague, Misther Chamberlain, he bought himsilf a rayvolver an' took out a policy on his life.
The Names of a Week, continued
ReplyDelete====================
"A lady down east woke her husband up to tell him there was a burglar in th' house. Th' foolish woman. They'se always burglars in th' house. That's what burglars are f'r, an' houses. Instead iv argyin' th' pint in a loud voice, coughin' an' givin' th' burglar a chance to lave with dignity, this man got up an' was kilt. Now th' pa-apers with th' assistance iv th' officers iv th' law has discovered that th' lady took a boat ride with a gintleman frind in th' summer iv sixty-two, that she wanst quarreled with her husband about th' price iv a hat, that wan iv her lower teeth is plugged, that she wears a switch an' that she weeps whin she sees her childher. They'se a moral in this. It's ayether don't wake a man up out iv a sound sleep, or don't get out iv bed till ye have to, or don't bother a burglar whin ye see he's busy, or kill th' iditor. I don't know which it is.
"Willum Jennings Bryan is readin' me frind Grover Cleveland out iv th' party. He's usin' the Commoner to read him out. That's a sure way.
"Mary MeLane has been in town. I didn't see her, me place not bein' a raysort f'r th' young an' yearnin', an' especially me duckin' all lithry ladies iv whativer sex. Mary McLane is th' author iv a book called: 'Whin I am older I'll know betther.' Ye ought to read it, Hinnissy.
"Th' Newport season is opened with gr-reat gayety an' th' aim iv rayturnin' husbands is much more sure.
"Gin'ral Bragg fr'm up in Wisconsin has been gettin' into throuble with our haughty allies, th' Cubians, he writin' home to his wife that ye might as well thry to make a whistle out iv a pig's tail as a dacint man out iv a Cubian. Gin'ral Bragg will be bounced an' he ought to be. He don't belong in pollytics. His place is iditor iv a losin' newspaper.
"Gov'nor Taft has been in Rome showin' th' wurruld how succissful, sthraightforward, downright, outspoken, manly, frank, fourteen ounces to th' pound American business dalings can be again' th' worn-out di-plomacy iv th' papal coort. Whin last heerd fr'm this astoot an' able man, backed up be th' advice iv Elihoo Root iv York state, was makin' his way tow'rd Manila on foot, an' siv'ral mimbers iv th' colledge iv cardinals was heerd to regret that American statesmen were so thin they cudden't find anything to fit thim in his thrunk.
The Names of a Week, continued still farther...
ReplyDelete==============
"Cholera is ragin' in th' Ph'lippeens vice Gin'ral Jake Smith, raymoved.
"Th' stock market is boomin' an' business has become so dull elsewhere that some iv th' best known outside operators ar-re obliged to increase th' depth iv th' goold coatin' on th' brick to nearly an inch.
"Th' capital iv th' nation has raymoved to Eyesther Bay, a city on th' north shore iv Long Island, with a popylation iv three millyion clams, an' a number iv mosquitos with pianola attachments an' steel rams. There day be day th' head iv th' nation thransacts th' nation's business as follows: four A.M., a plunge into th' salt, salt sea an' a swim iv twenty miles; five A.M., horse-back ride, th' prisidint insthructin' his two sons, aged two and four rayspictively, to jump th' first Methodist church without knockin' off th' shingles; six A.M., wrestles with a thrained grizzly bear; sivin A.M., breakfast; eight A.M., Indyan clubs; nine A.M., boxes with Sharkey; tin A.M., bates th' tinnis champeen; iliven A.M., rayceives a band iv rough riders an' person'lly supervises th' sindin' iv th' ambylance to look afther th' injured in th' village; noon, dinner with Sharkey, Oscar Featherstone, th' champeen roller-skater iv Harvard, '98, Pro-fissor McGlue, th' archyologist, Lord Dum de Dum, Mike Kehoe, Immanuel Kant Gumbo, th' naygro pote, Horrible Hank, t' bad lands scout, Sinitor Lodge, Lucy Emerson Tick, th' writer on female sufferage, Mud-in-the-Eye, th' chief iv th' Ogallas, Gin'ral Powell Clayton, th' Mexican mine expert, four rough riders with their spurs on, th' Ambassadure iv France an' th' Cinquovasti fam'ly, jugglers. Th' conversation, we larn fr'm wan iv th' guests who's our spoortin' iditor, was jined in be th' prisidint an' dealt with art, boxin', lithrachoor, horse-breakin', science, shootin', pollytics, how to kill a mountain line, di-plomacy, lobbing, pothry, th' pivot blow, rayform, an' th' campaign in Cubia. Whin our rayporther was dhriven off th' premises be wan iv th' rough riders, th' head iv th' nation was tachin' Lord Dum de Dum an' Sicrety Hay how to do a hand-spring, an' th' other guests was scattered about th' lawn, boxin', rasslin', swingin' on th' thrapeze, ridin' th' buckin' bronco an' shootin' at th' naygro pote f'r th' dhrinks—in short enjyin' an ideel day in th' counthry.
"An' that's all th' news," said Mr. Dooley. "There ye ar-re jus' as if ye cud read. That's all that's happened. Ain't I a good newspaper? Not a dull line in me. Sind in ye'er small ads."
The Names of a Week, concluded:
ReplyDelete==============
"Sure, all that's no news," said Mr. Hennessy, discontentedly. "Hasn't there annything happened? Hasn't anny wan been—been kilt?"
"There ye ar-re," said Mr. Dooley. "Be news ye mane misfortune. I suppose near ivry wan does. What's wan man's news is another man's throubles. In these hot days, I'd like to see a pa-aper with nawthin' in it but affectionate wives an' loyal husbands an' prosp'rous, smilin' people an' money in th' bank an' three a day. That's what I'm lookin' f'r in th' hot weather."
"Th' newspapers have got to print what happens," said Mr. Hennessy.
"No," said Mr. Dooley, "they've got to print what's diff'rent. Whiniver they begin to put headlines on happiness, contint, varchoo, an' charity, I'll know things is goin' as wrong with this counthry as I think they ar-re ivry naytional campaign."
Wikipedia entry for Finley Peter Dunne [Click]
Delete--Alan
Thank-you!!! I will come back and read it in the next day or two. :-)
DeleteThat's delightful. Though I suspect, if we could pick up on all the references, we'd consider it pretty sharp commentary indeed. Sort of the Stephen Colbert of his times, eh?
DeleteThe death of neoliberalism and the crisis in western politics [Click] By Martin Jacques. The wind is now in OUR sails; the old era is dying, and the new one has yet to be born. An excellent analysis, it seems to me. And by way of laying a basis for the article, here is the Wikipedia entry forNeoliberalsim [Click]
ReplyDelete--Alan
The Wikipedia article was tough going, but now I think I understand.
Deletelistener--I found the answer to your question about when Mister Dooley was holding forth above. Balfour replaced Salisbury as Prime Minister of the UK 11th July 1902, so it must have been right about then. McKinley died and was replaced by TR Sept. 14th, 1901.
ReplyDelete--Alan
Good sleuthing, as ever, Alan! Thanks!
Delete