Paul Hackett on The Daily Show

The bit with Paul Hackett on The Daily Show last night was great. Crooks and Liars has the video. For anyone unable to view it, I'd hate to have you miss out...

Ed Helms: Democrat Paul Hackett is a charismatic Iraq war veteran who rose to prominence last year with a surprisingly strong showing in Ohio's staunchly Republican second district. So when it came time to pick a candidate to run against vulnerable Republican Senator Mike DeWine in Ohio. The choice seemed obvious.

Paul Hackett: I was asked by Senator Schumer and Senator Reid and other to get out of the race.

Ed Helms: The Democratic party asked you not to run...

Hackett: (smiling) Correct. They backed away from supporting me because they realized that I'm outspoken, that I believe in what I say, and that I'm willing to fight for what I believe in--

Helms: (chuckling) Oh, there's your problem, right there!

Democratic strategist Hank Sheinkopf:


There's a matrix for electability. Raise the money, have statewide ID, follow some instructions from your consultants. Paul Hackett didn't do it. He didn't fit the matrix.

Helms: You didn't fit the matrix.

Hackett: They should be happy that I didn't fit the matrix, because the matrix is broken.

Helms: Broken? The Democratic matrix is functioning perfectly! It's a political utopia. Sheinkopf breaks it all down...

Sheinkopf: What Democrats are in the business of right now is winning elections.

Helms: And it's a business that's booming! With record sales and classic Democratic campaign tools. Like The Dukakis Method, Walter Mondale's Fritz U, and all-time best-seller, Al Gore's 837 Easy Steps to Campaign Victory.

Al Gore (apparently from the "book on tape"): Step 341, don't be afraid of armpit stains. They help you bond with working people.

Helms: The Democratic approach couldn't be simpler.

Sheinkopf: (the scene dissolves through a series of clips wherein he spouts nuggets of "conventional wisdom") You do what you gotta do, you raise the money, you hit the bricks...never pay attention to what people say. Pay attention to what they do...get out in the streets, you gotta listen to people blah blah blah Chuck Shumer focus groups... That's what this is about, common sense.

Helms: Amen, brother.
But Hackett doesn't get it...

Hackett: If you take a look back, at the party of FDR, and at the party of Truman and even Kennedy, that was a party that had balls. The new Democratic party eventually is going to have to get back to that.

Helms: Clearly he needs a little shaping by the Democratic party machine. This simple process removes candidates' rough edges.


...and smooths them out into tidy, electable packages.

And let's not forget, the Democrats have a tactical ace up their sleeve.

Sheinkopf: It doesn't hurt that the Republicans keep screwing up--it only helps you. It's good to have an opponent who keeps making errors.

Helms: I am right there with you. I got mugged the other day, and this bum was beating me with a bottle. And I said, you know what, I'm going to sit back, and wait for him to accidentally hit himself with the bottle. And sure enough, he did. I mean, I was unconscious, but I think I won that battle.

Helms: At the end of the day, if Paul Hackett wants to become an electable Democrat, he's gonna need a few tips...

Hackett: We are the party that wanted to make sure that our troops in Iraq had the body armor and the equipment necessary to--


Helms: Okay, zazz it down a little, and we're going to need to lose that (pointing to Marines sign).

Hackett: I don't know about you, but I don't send people to Washington D.C. to tell me how to live my personal--


Helms: Okay, okay, it was good--but try it again, and try it again *without* the emotion. Okay? Go.

Hackett: (flatly) I don't know about you, but I don't send people to Washington...
Helms (walks in, pumping fist) Yes!

He was ready for his professional Democratic debut.

(Helms voicing over) Paul Hackett is running for U.S. Senate, because he's handsome...but not uncomfortably so. Paul Hackett has courage...

Hackett: Some have alleged that our president led us to war on false pretenses--

...and caution

Hackett: --I believe we should look into this.

He takes principled stands...



Hackett: I'm in favor of agriculture, and adorable children. I believe we should take care of our environment--that's why I'm standing in front of a river.

Paul Hackett for U.S. Senate (fast talking) Paid for by people who don't know what they're doing and are scared beepless to make strong choices.

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