Friday, January 20, 2017

Don't Panic!

Need a way to get through the coming four years? Don't panic. The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is the drink for you. Field tested and recommended by Zaphod Beeblebrox, former President of the Imperial Galaxy, the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is guaranteed to make you feel as though your brain has been smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick, perfect for coping with difficult and unpleasant times.
Here's how to mix one:
  • Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit.
  • Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V — Oh, that Santraginean seawater! Oh, those Santraginean fish!
  • Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
  • Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.
  • Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones, subtle, sweet and mystic.
  • Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.
  • Sprinkle Zamphuor.
  • Add an olive.
  • Drink... but... very carefully...
Pres. Beeblebrox suggests no more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters at one sitting- but he never faced four years of a Donald Trump administration! We recommend mixing your first one at noon EST today and carry on from there.

10 comments:

  1. Pat Leahy sent a message out yesterday, asking for thoughts on the Cabinet nominees. Here (in two parts, due to length) is my response:

    Dear Senator Pat Leahy,

    I am a Vermonter and you have asked my thoughts on the new Cabinet nominees. There is not one I support, as their views are so opposed to what is good and healthy for our nation that the confirmation hearings view like episodes of SNL meets the Twilight Zone. Yet how many times this week have I read or heard the phrase “You can’t make this stuff up”? I am reminded that this is far far worse, because it is real with very real consequences.

    These hearings are a result of “a spirit of entitlement” that has infected American democracy. We the People are supposed to be served by this democracy, yet we are constantly expected to get on board, tow the line, accept the decisions of party and national leadership, with less and less input. Please hear me.

    * The decision of the DNC to make Hillary Clinton the Democratic candidate was done before the People could even weigh in. What made them believe they knew better than the People? There was a crisis of leadership with some highly questionable activities in this process. As a result, we had a candidate that too many people did not feel robust in supporting. I know a number of people who told me that they voted for Donald Trump, but would have voted for Bernie Sanders had his name been on the ballot. We will never know how the outcome would have been different, but I can say that I worked at the polls and helped to count the vote, and I was not the only one who wrote in Bernie’s name. Our election process needs to be recreated.

    * The RNC also failed the People, tremendously, by giving us a candidate who had not been properly vetted. What made them believe they didn’t need to be extremely careful for the welfare of the People and the world? We were given a candidate who is mentally ill with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and from what I have been researching about this illness, he has an obvious and severe case of it. I previously wrote you about this concern and called your DC office as well, imploring that the Inauguration be stopped. Articles abound on the topic, as well as the topic of Donald Trump having this illness. But what got my attention especially is that two friends of mine, who have many years of experience as licensed counselors, and do not know one another, concur with the findings. One is currently serving in the Peace Corps and the other is a retired pastor and legislator. How is it that a severely mentally ill individual was offered to the People as a candidate for President? Narcissistic Personality Disorder is thought to be both genetic and environmental. It can be the result of a smaller than normal left, anterior lobe. It is exacerbated by child abuse, particularly when a child is made to feel entitled by birth or wealth, and repeatedly told that he is the best of all and told that he is insignificant, without much in between. It is not that such an individual refuses to care about others, it is that he is incapable of feeling empathy...! Moreover, he can only care about what he sees as his own best interests. Leaders who are believed to have had this form of mental illness include Hitler, Stalin, Mengele and Saddam Hussein. I asked my counselor friend what happens to a person who has NPD when they are under great stress (and what is the Presidency if not stressful?). It turns out the person becomes more aggressive and has more knee-jerk reactions. As I previously made known, I have grave concerns about this man having the nuclear codes.

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    1. * Too many aspects of our democracy are broken. We had an opportunity in December to rectify these great wrongs. But our Electoral College no longer does what Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and our other Founders intended. Instead of being a body of wise and trusted persons coming together to discuss, discern and decide, in behalf of the good of the People, it has become a politicised and ceremonial body required to vote a certain way or be fined. This is democracy? Is it democracy when the person nearly 3 million more People voted for does not get to take the oath of office? The antiquated Electoral College must be abolished.

      * We no longer live in a healthy democracy when a candidate can thwart the good of the People for his own gain. The People will never see this man’s tax returns. We may never get to the bottom of the hacking and the relationships that swayed and altered this election. That there are celebrations taking place in Moscow on our Inauguration day sends a Siberian chill down my spine. For the sake of our national security, this Inauguration should have been stopped. But it was not.

      So I submit that our Vermont delegation has a “yuge” task ahead. We need you to be uncommonly attentive as on high alert, and vigilantly watchful for any evidence that would corroborate our concerns. Those who do harm always sow the seeds of their own destruction. From being just five years away from retirement when I will need social security and Medicare to this newly opened threat of world nuclear war, I am so concerned that even here in the oasis of Vermont I am not sleeping well at night. My deepest concern is that when this completely preventable destruction happens it will be vast and terrible, and my five children and six grandchildren may not survive it.

      It is now 12:43pm on Friday, 20 January 2017. I wrote this to you instead of watching the Inauguration. Just before, I took down Old Glory from my front porch and put up the Vermont State flag. I am counting on your vigilance.

      Warmly,

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    2. Superb letter, Listener! I wish I had your clarity of thought and eloquence.

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  2. Ah, yes. The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. You know, I've never had one. I wonder where ...

    I do know where my towel is, though.

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    1. I think we're all going to have to know where our towel is, at the very least. But Ford Prefect got it wrong about voting for the lizards to make sure the wrong lizard didn't get in. Where's my sub-ether sensomatic when I need it?

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks, Listener. They're not wasting any time, are they? Did you see the great photo on the What's Next page?

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    2. My favorite is the photo where it says "Share an Idea" ~ of a little girl telling something to President Obama, and he is being down to listen to her.

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