Al Gore on SNL

Update: Via this Kos diary by brian77, here is the link to the Gore video online at Ifilm.


Thanks to Howie in Seattle for the heads-up about this. Al Gore was great in the opening sketch on Saturday Night Live, and I've been checking to see if anyone has posted a video. I haven't found one yet, but lavenderdiva at Democratic Underground transcribed it...

SNL opens with a space shot
Announcer: Scientists have long speculated that infinite parallel worlds exist (5 different earths on screen) in different ways than the world we know. On these earths, history has taken different paths, on one, dinosaurs and man coexist, on another, the Russians were the first man to walk on the moon, on another still, Clay Aiken defeated Ruben Studdard. Come join us as we travel through the fabric of time and space to one of these mysteries, one of these parallel earths (earth turns into U. S. Presidential Seal)

Announcer: And now a message from the President of the United States

(Al Gore seated at his desk in the Oval Office)

AG: Good Evening my fellow Americans. In 2000, when you overwhelmingly made the decision to elect me as your 43rd President, I knew the road ahead would be difficult. We have accomplished so much yet challenges lie ahead. In the last 6 years, we have been able to stop global warming. No one could have predicted the negative results of this. Glaciers that were once melting, are now on the attack. As you know, these renegade glaciers have already captured parts of upper Michigan and northern Maine, but I can assure you, we will not let the glaciers win.

And now, in the 2nd week of May, 2006, we are facing perhaps the worst gas crisis in history. We have way too much gasoline. Gas is down to 19cents a gallon, and the oil companies are hurting. I know that I am partly to blame, by insisting that cars run on trash. I am therefore proposing a federal bail-out to our oil companies because hey, if it were the other way around, you know the oil companies would help us.

On a positive note, we worked hard to save welfare, fix Social Security, and of course, provide the free Universal Healthcare we all enjoy today. But all this came at a high cost. As I speak, the gigantic national budget surplus is down to a perilously low 11 trillion dollars. And don't get any ideas. That money is staying in the very successful lockbox. We're not touching it!

Of course, we could give economic aid to China, or lend money to the Saudis--again. But right now, we are already so loved by everyone in the world, American tourists can't even go over to Europe anymore without getting hugged.

There are some of you, who would like to spend our money on some made-up war. To you I say, 'What part of "lockbox" don't you understand?' What if there's a hurricane, or a tornado? Unlikely, I know because of the anti-hurricane and tornado machine I was instrumental in developing. But, what if? What if the scientists are right, and one of those giant glaciers hits Boston? That's why we have the lockbox.

As for immigration, solving that came at a heavy cost. And I personally regret the loss of California. However, the new Mexifornian economy is strong. El Presidente Schwarzenegger is doing a great job.

There have been some setbacks. Unfortunately, the confirmation process for Supreme Court Justice Michael Moore was bitter and divisive. However, I could not be more proud of how the House and the Senate pulled together to confirm the nomination of Chief Justice George Clooney.

Baseball, our national pastime, still lies under the shadow of steroid accusations. But I have faith in Baseball Commissioner George W. Bush when he says, 'We will find the steroid users, if we have to tap every phone in America'.

In 2001, when I came into office, our national security was the most important issue; the threat of terrorism was real. Who knew that 6 years later, Afghanistan would be the most popular spring break destination? That 6 Flags Tehran is the fastest growing amusement park in the middle east?

And the scariest thing we Americans have to fear is LIVE FROM NEW YORK, ITS SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE!

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