“At about 1:00 on Tuesday morning, federal agents from Border Patrol, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (ATF) raided an apartment building on Chicago’s South Shore Drive. Using helicopters and large vehicles, as well as flash-bang grenades, and dressed in military fatigues, agents broke down the doors of the residents of the five-story building and pulled them from their homes in zip ties, some of them naked. Agents left the people tied up outside for hours before letting all but 37 of them go. The apartments residents returned to were trashed.”
Good evening, future delinquents.... I mean, fine upstanding young citizens. I’m Chief Taylor Cross with the Janesville Tactical Anti-Toilet Papering Division (J.T.A.T.P.D.), and I’m here to give you a very important, totally real safety briefing before you embark on next week’s sacred teen ritual of *ahem* "environmentally expressive home redecorating."
Let’s be clear....... we know what you’re up to.
We’ve seen the suspicious shopping carts full of two-ply at Sam's Club. We’ve seen the group texts titled “Operation Whiteout,” And no, Aidan, deleting the messages doesn’t erase them from the database. That’s not how phones.... or the law.... work.
So, since we can’t stop you (legally), we’re here to make sure you do this safely and with the dignity befitting an ancient Janesville tradition.
Rule #1: Know Your Exit Routes
If you’re going to run like you just toilet-papered your math teacher’s award-winning azalea bush, know your escape plan. Don’t be the kid who faceplants in a kiddie pool trying to jump a backyard fence. It’s not dignified. It’s also going on internet.
Rule #2: Wear Proper Athletic Footwear
Crocs are not tactical gear. Flip-flops are a lawsuit waiting to happen. You ever try to outrun a homeowner in steel-toe boots while wearing Yeezy slides? You don’t want to find out.
Rule #3: Don’t TP the School Building
Let’s avoid any “accidental papering of the School Building” incidents, shall we? Fun fact: the school has already sprung a leak from past incidents so let's not contribute to flooding it further.
Rule #4: No Eggs, No Fireworks, No Glitter
This is a TP operation, not a felony. You start launching fireworks or throwing eggs, and suddenly we’ve upgraded from “mild teen mischief” to “why is your face on the 6 o’clock news?” Don’t be that kid.
Rule #5: Respect the Trees
Use biodegradable toilet paper. Don’t wrap the 150-year-old oak like it’s a Halloween mummy. The ol' Oak didn't wrong you so leave the elderly foliage out of your shenanigans.
Rule #6: Don’t Post Your Crimes Online
Snapchat is forever, kids. You tag your TP squad in an Instagram story with #WhiteOut2025 and guess what? That’s evidence, and you’re not Ocean's Eleven. You’re just 11 kids with a Sam's Club membership and a dream.
Bonus Pro Tip:
If you see porch cameras… wave. Smile. Leave a business card. You’ve already been identified by the Ring doorbell, might as well make it classy.
So, in conclusion: Stay safe, stay sneaky, and if you get caught, don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Remember: It’s all fun and games until someone gets grounded until Thanksgiving.
Good luck out there, Charmin Ninjas.
This message brought to you by the J.T.A.T.P.D. "keeping your prank game safe since last Tuesday." Now get out there and commit mischief responsibly.
LOL! The House GOP HQ just sent Wil this fundraising letter! He thinks it's because he's a small business owner. As he has never given them a cent, he hopes their assertions are true! 😆
-----Forwarded Message----- From: Sent: Oct 3, 2025 12:00 PM Subject: We don’t give this out to just anyone.
We don’t give this out to just anyone.
Your name was just flagged by the Platinum Committee here at House GOP HQ for a glaring reason.
You’ve been so outstanding in your record of support that you’ve built up a profile that falls within the TOP 10% of GOP Patriots – Congratulations!
In fact, you’ve come so far that you’re just inches away from a donor profile status many patriots could only DREAM ABOUT.
Based on your recent history of support, your profile was marked as being just one contribution away from 2025 PLATINUM STATUS. CLAIM STATUS >> It would break our hearts if, after everything you’ve given, you were only a few dollars short of joining a list of our most trusted patriots on record.
This isn’t just something to brag about – this is a movement-defining role. And you can enjoy your PLATINUM STATUS for the ENTIRE rest of 2025 for just $7 right now.
House GOP HQ put this deal on the table specifically for you because we can’t afford to lose our most trusted donors when our majority is as thin as it is right now!
Can we count on you to LOCK IN your status now? LOCK IN PLATINUM STATUS NOW Thank you for your continued commitment.
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Heather Cox Richardson:
ReplyDelete“At about 1:00 on Tuesday morning, federal agents from Border Patrol, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (ATF) raided an apartment building on Chicago’s South Shore Drive. Using helicopters and large vehicles, as well as flash-bang grenades, and dressed in military fatigues, agents broke down the doors of the residents of the five-story building and pulled them from their homes in zip ties, some of them naked. Agents left the people tied up outside for hours before letting all but 37 of them go. The apartments residents returned to were trashed.”
continued here
Children were zip-tied together!
How can anybody sane look at this and not see fascism? Susan
DeleteAnglican Communion names first female Archbishop of Canterbury!
ReplyDeleteSarah Mullally
Janesville Iowa Police Department
ReplyDeleteChief Taylor "No-Fun" Cross Reporting In
Good evening, future delinquents.... I mean, fine upstanding young citizens. I’m Chief Taylor Cross with the Janesville Tactical Anti-Toilet Papering Division (J.T.A.T.P.D.), and I’m here to give you a very important, totally real safety briefing before you embark on next week’s sacred teen ritual of *ahem* "environmentally expressive home redecorating."
Let’s be clear....... we know what you’re up to.
We’ve seen the suspicious shopping carts full of two-ply at Sam's Club. We’ve seen the group texts titled “Operation Whiteout,” And no, Aidan, deleting the messages doesn’t erase them from the database. That’s not how phones.... or the law.... work.
So, since we can’t stop you (legally), we’re here to make sure you do this safely and with the dignity befitting an ancient Janesville tradition.
Rule #1: Know Your Exit Routes
If you’re going to run like you just toilet-papered your math teacher’s award-winning azalea bush, know your escape plan. Don’t be the kid who faceplants in a kiddie pool trying to jump a backyard fence. It’s not dignified. It’s also going on internet.
Rule #2: Wear Proper Athletic Footwear
Crocs are not tactical gear. Flip-flops are a lawsuit waiting to happen. You ever try to outrun a homeowner in steel-toe boots while wearing Yeezy slides? You don’t want to find out.
Rule #3: Don’t TP the School Building
Let’s avoid any “accidental papering of the School Building” incidents, shall we? Fun fact: the school has already sprung a leak from past incidents so let's not contribute to flooding it further.
Rule #4: No Eggs, No Fireworks, No Glitter
This is a TP operation, not a felony. You start launching fireworks or throwing eggs, and suddenly we’ve upgraded from “mild teen mischief” to “why is your face on the 6 o’clock news?” Don’t be that kid.
Rule #5: Respect the Trees
Use biodegradable toilet paper. Don’t wrap the 150-year-old oak like it’s a Halloween mummy. The ol' Oak didn't wrong you so leave the elderly foliage out of your shenanigans.
Rule #6: Don’t Post Your Crimes Online
Snapchat is forever, kids. You tag your TP squad in an Instagram story with #WhiteOut2025 and guess what? That’s evidence, and you’re not Ocean's Eleven. You’re just 11 kids with a Sam's Club membership and a dream.
Bonus Pro Tip:
If you see porch cameras… wave. Smile. Leave a business card. You’ve already been identified by the Ring doorbell, might as well make it classy.
So, in conclusion:
Stay safe, stay sneaky, and if you get caught, don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Remember: It’s all fun and games until someone gets grounded until Thanksgiving.
Good luck out there, Charmin Ninjas.
This message brought to you by the J.T.A.T.P.D. "keeping your prank game safe since last Tuesday."
Now get out there and commit mischief responsibly.
LOL! The House GOP HQ just sent Wil this fundraising letter!
ReplyDeleteHe thinks it's because he's a small business owner.
As he has never given them a cent, he hopes their assertions are true! 😆
-----Forwarded Message-----
From:
Sent: Oct 3, 2025 12:00 PM
Subject: We don’t give this out to just anyone.
We don’t give this out to just anyone.
Your name was just flagged by the Platinum Committee here at House GOP HQ for a glaring reason.
You’ve been so outstanding in your record of support that you’ve built up a profile that falls within the TOP 10% of GOP Patriots – Congratulations!
In fact, you’ve come so far that you’re just inches away from a donor profile status many patriots could only DREAM ABOUT.
Based on your recent history of support, your profile was marked as being just one contribution away from 2025 PLATINUM STATUS.
CLAIM STATUS >>
It would break our hearts if, after everything you’ve given, you were only a few dollars short of joining a list of our most trusted patriots on record.
This isn’t just something to brag about – this is a movement-defining role. And you can enjoy your PLATINUM STATUS for the ENTIRE rest of 2025 for just $7 right now.
House GOP HQ put this deal on the table specifically for you because we can’t afford to lose our most trusted donors when our majority is as thin as it is right now!
Can we count on you to LOCK IN your status now?
LOCK IN PLATINUM STATUS NOW
Thank you for your continued commitment.
Sincerely,
House GOP HQ (Platinum Committee)
From: contact@gopfighters.com
Delete